Well it is official!!!!!

I am a married woman as of last Saturday April 30, 2011 I married the man of my dreams. Yep. I can honestly say that!! After my divorce in 07 I was told by someone that I would never find anyone that loved Sym and Me like they did. Even after 3 years of just going day to day with only Sym's interests at heart I believed that statement. Until the first day of school as I was impatiently waiting Sym to get off the bus I got a call from a mysterious number that had an unrecognizable area code. OH GOD!!! She's been kidnapped!! (yo when you stay up late at night alone you watch alot of cop shows!)
It was Sym telling me she walked her new friend home because she got off at the wrong stop. Wait I've told all ya'll this before! 

Ok so when you've been given a second chance for love and marriage, what kind of wedding do you have?
answer: You have the easiest wedding possible! That's what!!
My awesome friend Melissa and her friend Bonnie were our photographers! Ya'll I am anxiously awaiting pictures. Also I promised I wouldn't harass you too much Melissa. Especially since this will be a mother's day for you that is beyond what you've ever experienced! I'll keep that promise. Love ya hun!!!
So we got married at Cedar Grove Mansion Inn and it was beautiful! Even after the awful storms that happened 2 days before they had minimal damage. Yep just one tree down. That's it!! The flowers were intact, white confederate jasmine blooming in arches around the yard, and they smelled, ooooo love it!!
I have a few pics from facebook that my family took that I can show you for now. but here's the one you've REALLY been waiting for....


My lovely Sister Natalie and Her Boyfriend Donnie sang Brown Eyed Girl as I came down the aisle


It took both of my uncles to fill my daddy's shoes...


We are saying our vows. I was determined not to cry so I giggled. ;-)


We were waiting for them to cue our walking down the aisle song "You're the First...." by Barry White.
Finally it came on


Here's our cake


Here we are silly happy drinking Sparkling Wine.


Thanks for Reading ya'll!!!
I wish everyone could have been there. But we were paying for this ourselves so....
Love to You All!!! Remember When you think there's no one out there for you, they come into your life and shake it all up. ;-)

10 Things you wouldn't want anyone in the world that you love to go through (although some are envitable)

Sorry I have been away for a bit. It's been surreal at chateau de craft
I've had alot happen this past week and so I'm just going to list out a top 10.
10. Think about grown up stuff too often. Yep you heard me. It sucks. There is alot to Grown up stuff which is an upcoming list that I am soon to post and am constantly adding to. There isn't just one time in your life you think about it but instead it comes to you several times through out the course. Usually those moments come in just to make sure you evaluate yourself and see if it is all fitting in to that big fat life picture.
9. Find yourself in the middle of a bazillion projects and to do lists that never seem to go away cause you keep adding to them. See number 10.
8. Be the boss all the time. OMG how exhausting is that!! I mean come on, you are constantly making sure everyone else is doing what they are supposed to be doing to serve the greater good it gets old. You stop and have to again reevaluate see number 10 again Ok this list needs to stop here.

In a nut shell I saw a loved one go through a hell of a lot of pain and surgery within 24 hours and die. This someone was my dad and although I am at peace with the idea that he is no longer in pain, no longer suffering and still has his legs, I keep falling back to this spot. This spot where I'm constantly questioning whether when my time comes I'll be more prepared than my dad. Will I go through the same pain and will Sym have to see that? I don't want her to. So there it is. In black in white one week to the day that I got to see the pain on my father's face that was caused by his inability to stop smoking stop drinking and start taking asprin regularly. Although I am taking asprin regularly and I'm on a daily vitamin regimine I am still smoking. My fiance has given me an ultimatum about the smoking. Although he is letting me smoke through this week, ya'll know this has always been a struggle in my life. It's weird how once you see yourself through one struggle you find another one waiting in the wings to give you that good kick in the pants you may or may not really need.
Struggle....why is that we all have to struggle in one way shape or form? Again, I'm still looking for that manual to life that I sooooo wish someone would have written 30 years ago but put out new editions yearly. Like what to do when you have a loved one that didn't have a "In Case I Die Plan"? Or what about "How do I put together a In Case I Die Plan that thinks of every possible scenario and you go oh hey let me look on page 12 for that. There are probably templates etc out there for this stuff but because I don't want to have to decode legal jargon or go out and get a masters of law and a dictionary, I've avoided it personally because everytime I go to those things, I get even more lost. ie where's the part about unexpected diseases or discovery after the fact that you have a heriditary illness that is lurking in your dna waiting for the right moment to pop it's ugly head out at you and say HA TAG YOU'VE Got it!!!
As I continue to ramble on as I often do here I am thinking about certain struggles I don't want Sym to go through. So now I'm changing the Top 10
10 Struggles I Don't Want to Cause For My Daughter

(Fiance, Sisters Mom or the rest of my fam)
10. See me die a painful death
9. Worry about burying/cremating/throwing me in a refrigerator box and burying me in the yard (Have an "If I Die Plan")
8. My Debt (Home loan/Medical/Unsecured/etc) Student loans go away when you die but some don't. Some, like alot of credit cards and gym memberships will go after your survivors even if you give them a copy of the Death Certificate.
7. Having to make a hard decision when I can't answer for myself. (Living will that's in laymen terms so to speak in case she doesn't have a masters in law)
6. A safe place that she knows where to find all my plans that I would hopefully have spent 35+ years putting together for her.
5. No Guilt or worry about whether or not she made the right decision about my well being She'll know it's in the book. (Uh yeah 35+ years would entail a book maybe a novel)
4. She has a template to go by for herself when she is older. (She'll have a fucking manual by golly)
3. Insurance on my medical care when I am older that is not idigent like my dad. I want GOOD medical coverage or enough savings to handle just about anything that is thrown my way.
2. My soul in order so that she can say "My Mommy is in Heaven but part of her is following me around just to let me know I'm acting right" and KNOWS it without a doubt!!!
1. I don't want her to see me die a painful death. Even if it is only for a few hours/minutes/seconds.

There that's it. I know I repeated number 10 but it's my list damn it.

So there is my reminder. I'm putting this finalized shit together before the end of 2010. Why? because I don't think I could go into 2011 knowing that this stuff is not in 100% order. I'm committing myself to review it every year on his birthday just because the date is easy to remember.
I encourage you all to take a look at your plans and make sure they are up to date. If you have term life insurance make sure it is renewed. If you have a burial policy make sure the funeral home didn't file bankruptcy. If you have a living will look through it again to make sure that EVERYTHING is outlined.
Also if your parents aren't taken care of do what you can to make sure that they are even if they won't face the fact that they are going to die one day. I wish I had made my dad. I really really do. It hurts that when the time came and I even offered to pay for it for him he still wouldn't sign.
My dad was young. 51 years old. His birthday is Nov 13. Death finds us all no matter the age. Have your plans ready.

I think my dad would have agreed

And then the rain stops

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy." -- Anne Frank

For the past 2 weeks it feels like it has been raining nonstop! You would think that I lived in Forks instead of Birmingham AL! The dreary yet humid weather during Christmas, and the nonstop rain since New Year's eve has had me a bit down. So to see that sunset from my balcony last night gave me a new hope for a promising "Fine in 09".

10 years ago, this week was a pretty significant to me. It was the week I found out I was pregnant with Sym. I had missed my dec period and it was on the 11th of Jan that I went out and bought a prego test. Sure enough all 3 tests said I was pregnant. Then a doc visit a week later confirmed it as well. God it is hard to believe she is almost 10!! I'm a little beside myself thinking about this. I'm going to be 31 on the 27th and I have a beautiful daughter whom if I didn't decide to have her, I would be totally alone and lost. I'm so glad I didn't listen to him. It has been a hard 10 years but I am blessed to have such an angel in my life. She keeps me smiling every day. I'm so lucky to be in her life!

The sun is out in full force today. Not a single cloud in the sky. Beautiful blue above me, mushy mud at my feet. I just need to remember not to look down. ;-)

Love to you all!!
Lesley


Ps To add to the fun.......A Quiz!!

Which creature of the night are you? Your Result: Vampire   You are a social pragmatist, as likely to kiss as to bite. Your sensuality and social pragmatism is the counter-balance to your existential angst and your tendency toward depression.
Werewolf
Demon
Incubus/Succubus
Cthulu Spawn
Sorceror
Ghost
Which creature of the night are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

My Weekend

Hey everyone! Did LesleyD knit much this weekend? Yes!! She knit on Sym's Sweater, Swatched for Cherrie Amour and started a hat only to frog it. Yes lots of knittin.
I took Sym out to a Chinese Restaurant too, Golden City. They are the coolest! They are one of the oldest in Birmingham and they have the groovie decor of a Chinese Restaurant too. IF you are ever in the Ham, go swing by there! Just love their many dragons.


Also I went out solo Saturday night! woo hoo!! For the first time in a bit I went out solo Saturday night. I haven't been anywhere where solo in quite a while. Why you ask?
5 Reasons Not to go to a bar solo..
5. You have to buy your own drinks - Can cost you big time but not always!
4. You have to pay the cover charge - Which can be half your drinkin money!
3. You get lots of funny looks from other women. (aw poor you all alone or look at my man and I'll gouge your eyes out.)
2. Men presume you are there to get laid. - Can't woo them too much with your charm. (Least I choose not to.)
1. NO DD! (Which can really end up saving you money cause you drink less)

I decided not to let any of the above reasons bother me. For the first time in quite a bit, I really didn't want to go out alone Saturday night. Weird. Very Weird. Could it be maturity? Used to, I'd do it! Loved the opportunity to be able to meet whomever and strike up a conversation. But with reason number 2 looming, I didn't want to deal with that. It always looms. Men Love ya but sometimes a lady just wants to go out and NOT get laid.
Well Saturday night I was glad I went out! I paid a cover charge, bought 2 Jack and cokes, 2 beers, 3 hours of good music and nice people for a grand total of $22.
The band was Mellowship. They are a cover band, but really good. They even got me off my bar stool when they sang Shimmer by Fuel and it was all down hill from there. I totally enjoyed their lead singer Lane. He came up to the bar for another shot and some water. He was very nice and we chatted a bit. The Lead Guitarist was playing with them or the first time, William. He is a natural big time!! He was wailing on your familiar songs, (normal cover band lineup STP, Pearl Jam, Fuel, 3 Doors Down) but then they did some Stevie Ray Vaughn and Eric Clapton to show off what Willie can do. Quite impressive that Mr Willie was. Overall a damn good cover band with very sweet guys willing to talk to a lovely lady who was out for some good live music and a few drinks!
Thanks Guys! Here's their pic. I'm quite impressed with my camera phone. It took a good pic despite the cig smoke and funky bar lighting.



That's about my weekend. I did have a talk with a gentleman about a business proposition that will get me on my way to living a more fulfilling life. Send good strengthening thoughts my way if ya'll don't mind.


Take care! Time for me to get the youngin up. ;-)

I leave you with the bathroom door of Pizza Hut. It has been covered with stickers to create a groovie piece of art. Just love my boys at the hut.

Our Labor day weekend

Sym and I had fun. Friday was Sym's B-Day sleepover and let me tell ya'll. Hanging with 7 little girls for over 12 hours isn't a picnic. Especially trying to get them all to "go along" with what you have planned.
I hate feeling like my efforts are fruitless but I keep forgetting that kids in the 6-9 range tend to not give a frag about any body else's feelings at times. I forget that they are just kids. I guess because Sym is so grownie.
Adults can be the same way too. Sym's 3rd birthday was like that. It was the first one I threw at our house at the time. I was serving hamburgers and hot dogs and my family had the gall to say, "Where are the onions and mayo? Oh you didn't get those? You should have. What's a burger without mayo?" (An EXTRA amount of disgusting white oil coating is waste of damn good beef if you ask me. Your breath is far better wtihout the onion. Trust me I'm saving you. None of that was actually said but seriously ran through my 24 year old mind at the time.) So I really haven't thrown a party at my home for Sym with family since. It was my first time doing it solo without my mom helping me. I never threw those kind of parties before and to have my family.. well let's just say I've forgiven them and moved on. This year was no different. The grownups had dinner with us at China Doll. I am still avoiding actually throwing a party that involves the grownups of my family.
It is amazing that sometimes kids take on that same kind of mentality. "I messed up and don't want to finish my project!" "I don't want to draw on pillow cases. I don't like them!" "I don't want to watch Harry Potter! I want to watch Lord of the Rings" OMG! I gave them all a lesson on demo-crazy Majority rules and you just have to fraggin deal with it! ;-) That kept me sane as well as my frequent balcony visits to smoke.
All in all the sleep over was great! The kids were good overall and I want to throw it again soon! This time I think I'm going to keep it in the 9-10 year old range.
Saturday morning was fun, I made them pancakes and took Sym and a few of the girls swimming. I had great adult conversation time with the parents. I felt sane again. LOL
I worked Saturday night at the Hut. Made some good cash and then for the first time in 2 years I went to southside with an old friend I hadn't seen in a LONG time. You might remember Eric? Yeah it has been about that long since I last saw him. It was he and his friend that I'll refer to as Cherry Pie. Reason being, she was dancing to hippie music (the band Earthbound) as if she was on that music video. ;-)
We had a blast. I danced all night with a nice gent that twirled me around till I was dizzy and I didn't even spill my drink or burn anybody. ;-) Go me!


Sunday was recovery day. Sym came back home around 3 with T & K. They ended up spending the night. Monday was shop till you drop day! We shopped with Sym's birthday money. I got to buy also some things for our apartment to make it not look so blah boring. Sym bought 2 Brat Dolls, a Barbie house, a case for her DS that had decals for it too, Sims Castaway for the DS and that's about it I think. I bought 2 small rugs (1 for bath 1 for kit), a cookie sheet, a 5X8 area rug, 3 pieces of art for our living room and more multiplayer video games. Also got yarn for Sym's Sweater that I'm starting tomorrow. It is getting to be sweater time ya'll!! It is about time I gave knitting one a shot! lol I'll show ya'll yarn pron and pattern etc soon. ;-) Also Misc stuff was purchased too. Like cutesy coin purses and funky bracelets and head bands. Loverly!
We had a blast and now I leave you with a pic of my new living room.

Smart little devil...

It is late and I'm up on a Friday night. I hear my garbage can outside. It sounds like it is rocking or something is in there knocking. I know what it is, that damn raccoon!! So I go outside armed with my broom and my ammonia and I see a little black hand pull down the lid on the can slowly. It creeped me out so I just left him to his eating. What am I going to do? Open the can so he can hop out and maul my face? I don't think so people!!! I may be from alabama but I'm not inbred. Besides, this coon is not afraid of me what so ever. One night he crept right up to me while I was sitting on my front porch smoking a cig. Out of no where! He realized I was a human then just casually and slowly turned around and walked back to the woods.
I think I'm going to name him Jo after my neighbor that USED TO like to put his trash in my can so that I could walk it a mile down the drive way for him when he lives ten feet from the curb. He's a jerk that now knows not to mess with me. The last time he put trash in my little trash can Jo the Coon dumped and strolled all of the neighbors trash that was in my can in my yard. The end result was not only a dirty yard but one pissed off lady. I had to clean it up in which I dumped it over in his yard and a stern warning to his roomy. They've not done it since. If he tried it again I told him I'd dump mine and his on his front porch. I'm not his fucking trash keeper. That asshole.
Okay Jo-coon you can eat my trash as long as it isn't left in my yard afterwards. You stay a neat eater in the big can and you can keep eating my trash. Leave the little can alone. It makes a mess.
Okay enough rant time for Lesley to go to bed. ;-)

Today's Horoscope.....

Aquarius Horoscope for Saturday December 1, 2007
(Jan 20 - Feb 18)

"A fresh wave of energy washes into your life today and you could be quite upbeat about upcoming social activities. Unfortunately, your optimism may run into practical considerations that prevent you from doing what you want. Don't let discouragement overtake your enthusiasm. Instead, remember that some things will just take longer than you wish."


You know guys, it is still so weird to me when I can apply a horoscope to my current life events.Is that why I still read them? (nah they just come to my inbox daily and I don't feel like fighting it. Cause one day it will tell me to go buy a lotto ticket and I'll win a couple a billion dollars.) ;-)

Tonight is the company Christmas party for the day job. It is at a fabulous place with lots of fun folks, good food, free drinks, and 2 bands. So what seems to be the "practical consideration(s) that prevent me from doing what you want"? Hmm. My date canceled on me last minute. Okay what the hell?!
Why the hell would a guy cancel on this beautiful knitter/single mom? His work called him in. Irony? I think so.
"Don't let discouragement overtake your enthusiasm. Instead remember that some things will just take longer than you wish." Yeah discouragement took over yesterday when I tried to find another guy to with me. Then I just realized that no, I'm not going to let this opportunity of having a good time get me down. So I asked a BFF to be my date. I've contemplated quite alot from this turn of event.
I don't think I'll ever ask a guy out unless the guy and I have already been dating for a bit. LOL This isn't the first time a guy has dropped the ball when I've passed it to them. I should be used to it by now, but guess what folks. I'm not! I refuse to get used to it. I know that one day I'll pass the ball to someone they will catch it and run it for a touch down for me. I've just got to be patient.
XOXOXO
Lesley
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
—SCOTT ADAMS, THE DILBERT PRINCIPLE

PS. I sold my mirror that I attached glass to with good old silicone about 2 years ago. I sold it for $35 to my co-worker. I know it is going to a good home.
Here are the pics:
this is a dragon fly I shaped onto it.


Here is the entire mirror

Yeah I took the pic at work with my camera phone but hey at least there is a pic of it. LOL

Today's Horoscope

Aquarius Horoscope
(Jan 20 - Feb 18)

You may get bored with yourself these days because it can seem like everything is about work. Of course there's more going on in your life, but just keeping up with your responsibilities can take a lot out of you now. Don't try to make any big changes; for now, keeping up with your daily routine is enough.


With this in mind along with yesterday's blog, LOL
I read these things for fun. I don't usually take them to heart too much. The topic of my routine, habits, etc has been plaguing me lately. Mostly I ask myself "Is my routine healthy for me? What about Sym? Is our home routine enriching her life and teaching her?" I answer these questions as yes and no. With work, my routine is stressful but good and busy. However I do need to develop more healthy ways to handle the stress. Same with creating things to sell at this craft fair in Dec.
The home routine, it changes but we do have a pretty set routine. We go over homework, practice violin and then chill and watch tv. I'm actually thinking about getting rid of the TV in my bedroom when we move. After all I think I will do better without it. It has become my crutch. I watch TV to help me sleep. It would keep the bad thoughts of the Ex, marriage, and the self doubting thoughts from troubling my mind (scapegoat tv). Since then I've conquered these thoughts and have taken control back of my mind. The insignificant doubts and fears are fading. Yay!!! No the TV didn't do it. It has been my spirit coming back to take control again! Yay!!! Ya'll be proud, this lady is growing!
And I'm knitting an ever growing stash of washcloths for this craft fair! Next up Beanie hats!!! I plan to make quite a few this weekend and next.
I have failed to take pics though. My batteries ran out so I have to go pick up more for the digi cam!
Thank you for your comments!!!
Big Hugs ya'll!!!
XOXOXO

When you think no one is looking out for you......

It is an amazing thing how God takes care of you when least expected.
I did my delivery thing this weekend. I REALLY needed the money!!! After gas and all I was left with around $40 to get my girl & me through this week until day job payday. (yeah see what no child support gets ya?)
Anyways, Sym had a pumpkin project that I also had to use a little of this money for. It was due today. So we got the materials to make it yesterday and spend every bit of my tip money on it and other things we needed for Halloween. All that cash gone in a blink! Needless to say I was scrounging change this morning.
I was starving at lunch today. So I grabbed my bag and was looking for my phone when I found a check from this company I did a little work for earlier this year. It was $40.00 that I had totally forgotten about! The check was 7 months old though. So I called the company, went down there and exchanged the check! $40 richer! Then I stopped by to see my sis as I ate on my $3.00 veggie delight from subway (just because I'm 40 richer doesn't mean I'm going to splurge! LOL). She wasn't working and just as I was about to get in the car when one of my co-worker/friends at Pizza Hut hollered at me.
He said "Hey you need to pick up your check."
"What check? I have direct deposit." I said.
"Last pay period, they only deposited half the checks into everyones account and sent checks for the other half."
(see since I only work one day a week, my checks from there are only around $50 every 2 weeks. I didn't even notice that it was off last time!)
He hands me the check and it was for $26.00! He kind of laughed at it and I said "Hey when you are as broke as I am right now every little bit helps!!"
It is amazing how the big guy upstairs is looking out for us! Even when I'm at my lowest, I'm pulled out of it knowing that He's looking out for Sym and me.
XOXO
Lesley
PS. I know I am horrible about getting pictures!! I promise I'll take a pic of Sym's Pumpkin Project when I pick her up. Just for ya'll! It really did turn out good!!

Grill Diva!

I grilled solo for the first time ever friday! I bought charcoal, doused and lit it then cooked cheesey sausages!! YUMM!!! Sym loved it and so did I! I was very proud that I didn't burn it or anything!
Here's the grillin goodness! Unfortunately none of the Hottie firefighters had to appear for business. I was a little disappointed! LOL NO! Jus kiddin ya'll!

XOXO
Lesley
The Grill Diva

Bad Ju-Ju

Yes, I finally finished it. As you can see it isn't all that great. It is rather small due to the yarn I chose to use for it. I can't believe I've finished it.



As ya'll remember, I started knitting it right after I found out about what the ex really has been doing. It was something that I could actually put that anger, frustration and hurt into. It wasn't just a fun knit. It had a purpose from the get go. To take away all that pain that was dropped on me like a bomb. What I got out of knitting this was a tiny doll, yarn burns on my right index finger and something I could physically put in my hand and channel my anger into. This doll is cursed. It is of no use to me or to anyone else with all the negative energy within it. It sounds silly that I did this but at the same time it isn't. Everyone does it, they just don't knit it into a doll. Instead they may dedicate their energy into their jobs, cleaning their house, or even scrap booking! {I think some of those die cast devices resemble mid-evil torture devices.)
Everyone reacts to anger, pain, fear, depression, self doubt, sadness, and despair in their own way. I chose to create this doll and now, I'm going to set it on fire. This doll should never been knit. I feel that now it does nothing but potentially cause me more pain or whomever it encounters. I must destroy it before Sym finds it.
The next bad ju ju I knit will be for decoration purposes at halloween and not as object to take on the personification of someone else.
One good thing I can say by having knit this that I recognize the growth and emotional progress I've made in the past 2 months since this all went down. Wow.
Just wait and see what this Lady is going to do 2 months from now!!
XOXOXO
Lesley

Accomplished and feeling good!

Knitting Update first~
On the needles: Bad Ju-Ju is still there. I've knitted it a little. I've frogged it after about 40 rounds and started over.

Also...
I'm making more head wraps. I'm stocking them up for next year

Coachella I haven't even cast it on yet. I'm thinking of taking my dear friend ShadKitty's advice and knit Tank Girl again. I do believe I have a better yarn for it than the old cheap stuff. :-)

Life update:
It has been a very draining weekend. I've had alot go on. I did get some things accomplished around the house. I found where the Ex parks his car (and sort of where he hangs his hat) and dropped off the last of his things. He refused to tell me anything. Where he is living, when he was coming to get his things, after countless number of messages with his GF and with his work. I said F*** it and finally got it all together I went on a search for his car. My mom helped me tremendously. I love her so much. It isn't hard to miss. In fact is stands out like a sore thumb. I had to give him his things. It was the only way I could move forward. Even if I was to just throw it in my shed and let it rot, that's all it would do. Rot there because I knew he would never pick it up and emotionally it stood as me hanging on to him. Also he is not allowed here without my presence again.
As I was unloading his things he was walking her dog and saw me unloading all of his things on to his car. He glared at me then walked away. The little dog following too.
I still have some anger. But it is almost gone. The f-ed up thing is that I accepted the fact that he was moving in with a different girl earlier. I knew that the guy absolutely couldn't go without female help. That's just him.
But that's okay. I forgive him for being himself.
I still won't let him take sym around this little girl. The last thing Sym needs to see is daddy all over a girl that could be her big sister.
That's just gross and sets a bad example for her.
I got a new desk for my computer since Mom & I returned his to him. Sym & I put the new one up together. She misses her daddy but I'm not caving. He can just suck it up. WE made an agreement. I'm sticking to that. He can have supervised visits at our convenience.

We went to church this morning. In Sunday school they were talking about the things that make us angry and what God can do to help you control that. I've realized that I've allowed my anger at him to distract me from what is most important, Sym & me. I'm not a bible beater by any means but I was one once in a distant past. I remembered the decisions I made, the good things, good things that were going on inside of me. I remember the positive impact it had on my life during that time. I'm tempted to go back to my home church next Sunday. But I already have received ALOT today from the church down the road! I'm actually about to go grab the old Bible and look up the verses that were quoted today. It has helped. This whole weekend has helped me. I'm still sad a little about the whole thing, but the distance is actually helping me out tremendously.

I have felt so many things during this time, pride in myself (even if it was only for a moment), extreme loneliness, extreme sadness, anger, yet also happiness in my decision, and also Sym and I have gotten even closer than before. I love that child dearly. I can't stop looking at her and think of all the good things from him and me.

I'm grateful for this angel in my life! Thank you God for intervening so long ago! Thank you for this incredible child!

XOXOXO
Thank you all for your comments!! You do mean so much to me!
Big hugs to you all!!!


Here's my new desk!

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

Yesterday:
I felt like shit

Today:
I feel better! Much Better!!!
Just thinking of the great things to come!!

Tomorrow:
WILL BE EVEN BETTER THAN TODAY!!!!

I wish I could give details to all the events. I can't. I'd like to say that ya'll are the bomb!! Thank you for all your comments!! They keep me going.

I accept the fact that I will be better. I will perservere! I will walk with my head up high even if I do some low down things. he he he

"Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh NO NOT I!! I will survive!" got to love Gloria Gainer!!

Have ya'll heard about Vegoose? IT is this music festival in Sin city! Rage Against the Machine is playing! So is Cyprus Hill!!! I know of an airline where I can get tickets to Las Vegas for $50. Hmmm Tempting... October 27 & 28th huh? Hmmmmm

Thank you!! Ya'll are the bomb!!! and an update!

Thank you for all the compliments on my blog. The color change was SOOO necessary. I figure that the change on my knitting blog would do me good. I'm trying to find a 3 column blog template. I want to put my blogs/thoughts/writings in the middle and then all my groovie side bar stuff around it. I wonder if I'll have to go to word press for that. Grr. I don't want to have to move!

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts too through this VERY difficult time in my life. Whenever I've felt down I've been going back to your comments to help me feel better. It has been a rough week and I can't wait till the weekend!!!

I've discovered this week that my soon to be X has been dating an 18 year old. He's 34. Yeah, that one stings. But I know I shouldn't even be concerned with it but that 10 year emo tie is still tryin to hang on inside. Where are my anti-Emo scissors when I need them? Damn the little trolls for hiding my shit when I need it most!!!
We haven't spoken since I found out from the little girl. God she's an idiot. So is he. Talking about this is sooo making me sick!

That's another thing too. I've not been able to eat like I normally do since this discovery 2 days ago. Everytime I put food to my mouth my stomach turns and twists a little and I feel like I am going to throw up. I'm fighting it, but I've cut back on food ALOT.

Also I'm smoking alot more than I used to. Bad bad bad. I know. But I did however write out a list of things I can change and what I can't change. These lists are growing every hour. It is still tough to focus. As you can tell, I'm at work and blogging about my sorrows instead of writing down my processes. Focus focus focus on work Damn it Lesley!!

I'm thinking about starting up Stitches & Brews again. But instead of Brews just stitching. I think maybe hitting a coffee shop again. I miss seeing Brook & Robbie. I feel so down I need to get out again! I've been getting out though. My AC broke and I've been staying with my buddy Tara. Including Tuesday when everything went down. I miss my home though. There's so much I need to change and rearrange there. I've got so much work to do and not enough time to do it!!!

All I have been wanting to do is knit little things, but I'm swatching for Coachella now! Yay!!! I started it last night at Tara's. I'm hoping the AC guy gets out there and can fix it!!! It is terribly hot there! I miss my home. I want to make it our home again. A place where I can feel good, look at it and feel relaxed. I've got to get rid of the rest of his shit. Anybody need some useless junk?

I hope to get some pics of my knitting tonight. I'm pretty proud of it all!
XOXOXO
Love ya'll!!!!
Lesley



***Update: I think a Bad Ju-Ju is a necessity. Yeah I've got enough black yarn I think. Maybe some brown & peach color for the face too. blahh ha ha !!****

Promises kept....

I had originally written that I would fill ya'll in on what crazy things have been happening in the random world of Lesleyd. As hard as it is for me to publicly say it I shall....
IF you recall a month or two ago, I told ya'll that I was no longer referring to my husband as DH but instead Tom. There is a reason for it. We have had lots of troubles in the past 6-8 months. These troubles have caused a quite deal of stress for me, to the point that my mind can not be freed from it. I've tried antidepressants, alcohol, no alcohol, meditation, knitting like a fiend (only to unravel it because it wasn't turning out right) and I can't escape it.
He has been spending time with other women. He spends his money on other people instead of giving it toward bills, he is unaffectionate (doesn't want any affection from me either)and hasn't said I love you since March. Until last week when I dropped the bomb on him.

Here's the bomb. I have begun the steps to getting a divorce. He hasn't had the papers served yet but the lawyer has been paid, and papers are with the server.
For the past week, he has been staying with one of the girls that he's been spending his nights with over the past 3 months.

Although, I'm taking this step to gain spirit and peace it is still hard as hell and has been the toughest chapter to close. We've been a couple for 10 years, married 8 and have a beautiful 7 year old together. I hate that it has come to this. I wish we could live happily ever after but it is impossible. The 8 years married have been the hardest, saddest years of my life that has left me stunted. I've not grown as person from being with him in fact I feel I've regressed to a shell at times. From here on I shall share little tidbits about it. In fact I have another blog that is private that I've blogged about these feelings and all around sadness that he's caused just within the past year. It deserves its own place to hang. I prefer this blog to be happy. I love sharing good news instead of news that is viewed sad or bad.


XOXOXO
Lesley

My Weekend.....Long Blog Part deux

I'm sick today. I think Tom gave me the flu. I typed this up at various points of my day yesterday and my head hurts so I haven't proofed it. Ignore my mistakes please!!

(From here on DH will be referred to as Tom in my blogs)
Saturday.....Knitting, Cupcakes, and Dumbass me!
Saturday morning I awoke to my Bro-In-Law texting me that his daughter Anna's Birthday party was at 1:30 at an AWESOME park! Tom was still sick with the flu and we chatted a bit. I told him that if he tries to push himself too much, he'll just keep the flu. So he stayed home from work again. It sucks too because his money nights are Friday & Saturday. Those nights are bread and butter nights(and his escape nights.)
Anyways, I go get a gift and book it to the Party. Sym had crashed at my mom's place and Mom said she'd bring her to the party.
I get to the park and low and behold, I find my baby sis Nat Knitting at the party table...

OOOO I was sooo excited!!! That I broke out my knitting too!!!


So we knitted while everyone else played and waited on Sym (I love my Mom but she was born late). Sym got there and we commensed with the pizza eatin, happy birthday singin and present openin. Lots of fun!! Then all the kids and grownups played too!! Here's Sym & I Swangin!

Fun huh? We had a ball! Here's Anna & Sym too. They almost look like sisters! Wild huh? Anna is Nat's Step Daughter (if you haven't figured it out yet, Yeah Nat was the one that got married in Feb). I find if funny though, I think Anna & Nat favor each other a little even though there is no DNA matches there.
Anyways, Anna LOVED her gifts, party, playing and eating. I unfortunately had to leave to bring pizzas to good homes (only the ones that tip!!) :-)

It was a mildly busy night at Pizza H that night. Lots of complaints and re-runs though to people trying to scam the store. I hate those! If you are going to scam a pizza place at least tip every driver that is trying to fix the problem, you know? On my last run which was a triple bagger (3 deliveries in one trip)I realized that anything can happen when you don't pay much attention. I took the first 2 that were REALLY close to the store then the last one was about 10 miles away from the store on the outskirts of the delivery area. I get there finally, 20 minutes late, get the customer $4 off, (still got a freakin awesome tip!) then I got to my car. I tried to crank it and it wouldn't start. I looked at the gas gauge and it was WAY past E with the little light on!! I Ran out of gas!!! I started laughing my ass off. I called the store, told the closer what had happened and he said that it was the perfect end to a crazy ass night and that he was going to send the late driver out there to rescue me. So since I knew it was going to be a while I went back to the front door of the customer's house. This is exactly what I said..
" Hi, I'm embarrassed to say this but I ran out of gas in your driveway. The store is sending someone to bring me gas. I just wanted to let you know so that you don't think 'why is this crazy delivery girl still in my driveway?'"
The guy laughed, mostly because I was.
"He told me that his bro-in-law was going to be home any minute and that he's the only one that may wonder"
Sure enough the broInLaw pulls up looks at me in the car and says "Did they take care of you?"
I burst out laughing, "Yeah they did, I just ran out of gas"
He busted out laughing as well and asked if someone is on their way to help. I said yeah and then he went inside.
While I was waiting on the late driver I proceeded to call several folks, including sick Tom. He laughed also. It took the driver an hour to get to me because he had to go to 3 gas stations to find a freakin gas can!!!
Luckily Emery is alright and has been running like a dream since. Next time I'll know to pay attention to little lights without beeps.
If you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
Oh what a night!

XOXOX

Feeling nauseous and ready for bed

Tonight was the first night of the Spring Expo at the middle school down the road. Spring Expo is a carnival type fund raiser that the middle school does every year. It's like a carnival/Fair but smaller and it all goes to the school.
Some of Sym's Friends were there. Here they were about to get onto the Tip Top!!! *I'll describe these rides in a minute.*
From Left to right Miss A, Miss C and Miss Sym (The names were changed because I forgot to ask the parents.)


After 3 rides with her friends, Sym decided it was mommy and me time for the rest of the night. There was this ride called Saturn (the first ride I rode with Sym) which felt like you just got finished riding the rings of the planet Saturn! The arms of the ride lifted the passenger capsules up and spun us around in an angle where our heads pulled naturally toward the center. It made our heads feel like there was a ton of cement on top of them the entire time. You could hardly lift your arms. Yep that ride was like how the folks on National Geographic Channel described Saturn's Rings! When we got off that ride I felt like gravity had tripled!
Next we rode a Farris wheel type ride except that you pretty much rode in a cage. The operators loaded you in it then they'd spin the cars head over feet!!
Sym looked at me and said, "I don't want them to spin us. Can I tell him not to spin us?"
"I'm with you on that hun! Go for it!!" I said. "Thank you lord!!" I thought.
It was really fun just as long as that car doesn't flip! Then you're alright!
Next we rode the swings together, twice! That wasn't too bad. I like the swings. My stomach didn't mind them at all. I can handle going around in a circle but I can't do spinning and going around. But then I let her talk me into it.....
We rode the Black Widow which was a 2 person ride that goes around then you can make car/cage/seat thing spin. Sym was bound and determined to spin the damn thing at 50 mph. I kept trying to stop her but she'd just slow it down enough to pacify me for a minute then start it right back up again! Oh she's just as evil as her daddy sometimes. This is where I started to go down hill. I had to stop and recover for a minute. So she rode the Go Gator (a baby roller coaster type ride). But oh my friends I digress, I think my daughter was out to kill her momma by this point. After not fully recovering from the Black Widow, Sym persisted and wanted to ride the Tip Top which was yet another go around and spinning the car ride. It was like the Tea Cups at Disney world. Thank God an older kid was on there that was super duper sweet and helped save me from my daughter. LOL He'd help slow it down a bit. I told her it was time to go home after that. I had a blast with Sym tonight up until the part where she tried to spin me to death. LOL
Needless to say I am NOT capable of spinning around like I used to. I've been battling my stomach determined not to blow chunks. Now after being home for an hour, I still feel like I could hurl if I move too quickly! 2 things you don't do before going to a carnival/expo thing, 1. Do not eat a Triple Lindy from Moe's before you go! Do it afterwards! 2.No more simultaneous Go around & Spinning rides for Lesley EVER AGAIN!!!!

Good night ya'll!!! I hope I won't have a hang over in the morning, because I sure do feel drunk after all that spinning tonight!!!
XOXOXO